Truth

In a recent comment on an Ox Herding post, Molly asked:

Should we be fully honest with people we are close to who are not being true to themselves (I am thinking specifically of my sister). There is a lot I've never said to her which I wonder sometimes if I should . . . the silence is easier on the surface.

Molly's question arises from the intent to examine life without flinching. And that's the point of Buddhist practice - to examine the many ways in which habitual behaviors impede our ability to love this world.

What does it take to love? I explore this daily with Susann, confronting the reality that I frequently withhold the truth from her.

I might rationalize this withholding. Or simply be unaware of it.

But one thing is clear - I withhold to protect cherished images of myself and her. Thus, the withholding has nothing to do with Susann (who, of course, is as flawed as any of us), only with me.

Lately, I've begun to expose the truth of my experience in (more or less) real time. This requires me to pay attention to my own mind and to "out" whatever appears in that dark place. (Thank goodness for practice!)

Curiously, nothing I say has surprised Susann. I can tell her that I hate her and she already knows. I can tell her that I love her and she already knows.

My best efforts to remain hidden are so shabby and ineffectual that nothing comes as a surprise.

At the beginning, I thought I needed to be forthcoming for Susann's benefit, to make it possible for her to love me.

But now I realize that I need to be forthcoming so that I can love.

That's the power of the truth - it allows us to love.

If we wish to love this world, we must live as a truthful person.

The truth includes our darkest flaws, feelings, and fantasies. When we bring them into the light, we can see them for the pitiful things they are. That is love.

Photo by Ma Gali

Comments

[Lotus Heart]

Thank you for sharing! Your post resonates with me deeply. There is no strength in love when our darkest flows and raw feelings are absent or withheld in the presence of the loved one(s). Palms up together and gently cup “I love you” and “I hate you” as if holding Yin and Yan in one. Allowing, acknowledging, and cupping up gently with these raw feelings and flows create space for love and growth.

[Jiun]

Wonderful!

[molly]

Fabulous post, Barry. Thanks for sharing this, because we all need to go there, don't we? I read somewhere, that being true will allow others to do the same. The path of truth is the only way, isn't it, even when it feels awful.
With Deep Respect,
Molly

[Puerhan]

Thanks for the authentic sharing Barry.

~gassho~

[Justin Choo]

Barry,

When two partners are married for 34 years, whatever lies and truths would have been revealed, without either making any effort.

I speak with first-hand experience!!

Ha ha ha!!!!!

[Barry Briggs]

Hi Lotus Heart - yes, thank you!

Hi Jiun - yes, wonderful!

Hi Molly - thank YOU for sharing this!

Hi Puerhan - back to you!

Hi Justin - I will follow you!

[Uku]

Barry,

wonderful! Love is in the air...

Peace, my Dharmabrother!