Play

Back on July 7, I pushed the secret Pause button on Ox Herding so that I could dedicate time to a period of self-examination.

My life had hit a big-time speed bump and required all the commitment I could offer. Many of you extended support and I'm grateful for your messages. They mattered.

So . . . wazzup with the pause?

All of us understand how craving, attachment, anger, and ignorance create anguish and misery. Indeed, many of us came to practice precisely because of this.

Over the past weeks I looked at how these factors were poisoning my life. I mean, I peeled back the skin and really looked.

And I discovered something that 20 years of practice hadn't yet revealed - a profound attachment to the feeling-state of being respected, adored, and liked.

Once this insight appeared, I quickly uncovered how I manipulate and distort relationships to get this feeling. I'll do whatever it takes. And I also saw that when the world doesn't cooperate with my attachment, I give vent to anger.

In essence, I saw how I create the cycle of samsara.

Having seen something true about myself, I also could see the way to acknowledge and work with it.

In this way, the attachment itself might become a path to freedom. Frankly, it's more exciting than anything I've done in a long time!

And now I'm pushing the Play button so that together we can watch a few more reels of Ox Herding.

Comments

[Suzanne]

It's great fun, witnessing the layers of the onion peeling away. Fascinating to the mind, thrilling to the emotions. But I think it's possible that the ego can spin all that stuff out - a momentary positive reaction to a compliment, the validation appreciated - or whatever form the validation takes - and it needn't interfere with the absolute, or whatever we're calling it today. The neediness is perhaps just more fleeting, in the story of life that seems to unfold; the judgement of one's performance not so important, the peeling back of the onion not taken so seriously. When the last layer is peeled away, there is nothing there. And even with nothing there to claim it, wry bemusement can arise.

[Andrew C. White]

Thank you for this. I've been struggling with rejection of my vast wisdom and importance the last few days :) This was helpful to read. Days later my mind is still occupied by the person that rejected my input. Funny how that whole clinging thing works.

Peace,

Andrew
(and welcome back)

[Jordan]

Woot! welcome back Barry. Wrestling with demons is thirsty work. Have a cup of tea.

[Marcus]

Glad to see you back!

:)

[Nathan]

Welcome back! I've struggled with similar issues for a long time. Still do to some extent. It's challenging to let go of wanting praise, or just being liked. I'm working on it.

Glad you've had some insight and shared it with us.

Best,
Nathan

[NellaLou]

Glad you are back Barry.

[Val]

Barry,
I really appreciate the "keeping it real" in this post. I really agree with you that an attachment can be a source of freedom (and if freedom, then at least spiritual growth) when it is discovered.

But pu-leeze don't take that as a compliment. I in no way want to contribute to your downfall. ; )

Glad you're back. : )

[Lauren]

As you can, share all the gory details of how you discovered. It's likely where we all (okay, where *I*) am too.

Glad you're back.

Good close-up pick, BTW, though you do look kinda stoned. ;-)

[mama p]

it's funny how a speed bump can be so powerful. the twenty-second zafu, i call it. good for us. welcome back!
:)

[Barry Briggs]

Thank you, everyone, for your warming and kind comments. I'm glad to share this space with you.

Barry

[jill i]

Ah! So happy to check Ox Herding today and find you "back." thanks for your candor. I am so bundled in layers I haven't begun to unpeel , but I guess the fact that I realize they are there is a start.
jill