Memory

I've noticed lately that my memory is suspiciously convenient. I tend to remember things that cohere with my story and forget things that don't fit.

This is especially true in relationships, where "living in the now" can easily degenerate into "he said, she said." (That's my fighting mind at work.)

If I really cared about living in the now, I'd remember what was said, or I'd shortcut the flight into defensiveness. If I could remember to care . . .

Comments

[Ben Howard]

Barry -

Thanks for this reminder. Selective memory, as I understand it,is an aspect of what the historian Roy Foster calls "therapeutic forgetting," which can afflict an entire culture as well as the individual.

Gassho,

Ben

Ben

[Suzanne]

Well...what is remembered is remembered. There is little control about it. (Memory always happens in the now.) And who is to say that an argument with a loved one over a forgotten phrase is not the best thing that could happen? We never know what's "good" for us; certainly in the denoument of any life story, what seemed to be a "bad thing" - conflict, misunderstanding, anger - often turns out to be the "best thing" that ever happened because of lessons learned, change engendered, etc. Even if no lessons are learned and no change occurs, who is to say what is truly of value? I think it's a good thing that we have no absolute answers, and that life is the struggle (adventure) of finding possible ones.

[bob]

I agree that life is an adventure, and that there are no absolutes, but sometimes I need to remember not to add extra baggage.

[Suzanne]

Hey Bob...Amen!

[Barry Briggs]

Thanks, everyone, for your thoughtful comments!

Barry