
Life doesn't cooperate.
No matter how wonderful our intentions, life takes its own course.
Some folks probably comprehend this at an early age but I was 50 years old when I got the message.
Appropriately, the message was delivered in the Zen hall - when my left foot developed so much pain that I couldn't walk barefoot in the meditation line.
Curiously, no one - including me - connected this pain to the spinal cord injury 30 years before. I just got some orthotics and slippers, and got back in line. (Funny, how we selectively deploy our delusions!)
As uncomfortable as this new pain was, however, there was worse ahead.
One winter morning two and one-half years ago, Susann and I went for a run. Only . . . I couldn't run. My right foot wouldn't work. Although I had no awareness of any progressive decline, my leg had crossed a major threshold. That caught my attention.
This led to physicians and the procedures that come with them. The diagnosis was clear: the initial injury - now forty years past - had returned for its reprise. My lower right leg had entered a period of active degeneration and loss of function.
And there was no remedy beyond palliative and compensatory care.
Although dismayed, I can't honestly say I was surprised. Despite my willful ignorance, I had a faint memory of a physician saying, shortly after the accident, that nerve damage would appear as I aged.
As I reflect on this now, I'm somewhat stunned at how easily I turned away from one of life's turning points.
So perhaps it's not accurate to say that life doesn't cooperate.
Life just does what it does. I'm the one who doesn't cooperate.
The image above shows how how neurons branch to stimulate multiple muscle fibers. As we age, some of these branches die back (lower center of the image), leaving parts of the muscle without stimulation. These fibers then atrophy, reducing strength and stability.
Because the accident left me with many fewer neurons than normal, aged-related loss is substantially magnified.