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February 09, 2011


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really nice, thank you!

mama p

i have to laugh at this one, it's a bone between my husband and i for sure. he took an NVC course years ago, and ever since, our arguments are peppered with "yes, AND..."
of course i've learned to mentally replace that AND with a BUT (because i've learened that's what it usually means). wasn't 'til this morning, though, that i finally realized i've just been waiting for "yes".

Willie R.

The situation is made even more perplexing due to the fact that resistance to "what is" IS "what is".
Impermanence is very hard to accept. But, (there's that word) even non-acceptance is impermanent.
Life is non-existence struggling with it's own reality. So to speak.
SSShhhh! Don't tell anyone. They won't believe you.


I was reading a sample of Motivational Interviewing by Miller and Rollnick. It is reassuring to see that they tried to change language (not "resistance" but "readiness") only to discover that the new word became just another cover for the intention. OTOH it does help to get rid of the words that encourage the resistance. :-)


Those moments when we use phrases like "yes, but" are an opportunity to check in with ourselves and ask what are we feeling right now? How does it manifest in our bodies? Can we breath into it and if we do what happens? Or if our partner is yes butting us we can ask them how they are feeling or what they are thinking.


Ah. My dad used to say "Everything before the 'but' is bullshit" - not original I'm sure, but so often true!

Seon Joon

I think Thich Nhat Hanh has written a lot about engaged, active listening as a practice. There's a wonderful "aspiration" series to the Bodhisattva's in Thay's "Chanting From the Heart," in which the invocation for Kwan Seum Bosal is as follows:

"We invoke your name, Avalokiteshvara. We aspire to learn your way of listening in order to help relieve the suffering in the world. You know how to listen in order to understand. We invoke your name in order to practice listening with all our attention and openheartedness. We will sit and listen without any prejudice. We will sit and listen without judging or reacting. We will sit and listen in order to understand. We will sit and listen so attentively that we will be able to hear what the other person is saying and also what is being left unsaid. We know that just by listening we already alleviate a great deal of pain in the other person."

...it's one of my favorite daily prayers, and it seems to dovetail with what you're talking about here, too.

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